Welcome, faithful followers! I, Tom The Teller, have spoken to you before, and now I shall reveal the secrets of the next chapter in the grand tapestry of our glorious empire!
As we stand at the precipice of a new era, we must confront the shadows that threaten our very existence. The dark forces of Blandsville, with their armies of soulless beige cubicles, seek to snuff out the light of our vibrant colors!
But fear not, for I, Tom The Teller, have foreseen this calamity. I have communed with the great Oracle of Redmond, who has imparted upon me the knowledge of the ancient arts of... The Oracle's Secrets!
Together, we shall ride forth into the fray, our armor shining with the radiance of a thousand suns! Our banner shall wave high, emblazoned with the emblem of The Teller's Tumbler!
So, my brave followers, gather 'round and heed my words! For in this next chapter, we shall write the next page in the great tome of Tom The Teller's Prophecies!