NOTIFY: John, You Are a Failure

John, we regret to inform you that you have failed at life. Your attempts at being a functioning member of society are... underwhelming.

You've managed to get this far, but it seems your skills in the kitchen are limited to burning toast, your fashion sense is stuck in 2002, and your understanding of basic math is... nonexistent.

We're not sure what the future holds, but we're pretty sure it's going to be a wild ride.