Warning: What you're about to learn may blow your mind, or at least make your ears bleed.
But if you're still reading this, it's because you've made it past the initial 5 stages of seal whispering, and you're ready for the good stuff.
Also known as the "I'm-not-a-bulldozer-but-I-play-one-on-Tuesday" technique. This is where you slap your seal with a 3-4-5-2 sequence of slaps, in a smooth, flowing motion.
Read more about the Whisper-Slap of DoomThis technique is similar to the Whisper-Slap, but with an added twist! You see, you slap the seal with the Whisper-Slap, then immediately follow up with a stern talking-to, because, let's be real, that seal needs some discipline.
Learn more about the Ear-Residue TechniqueThis technique is where you focus on the residue that's left on the seal's ears after a good slap, then proceed to scrub it off with a gentle touch. It's like exfoliating, but with more suds!
Read about the Phantom Slapping Technique, a true art formThis one's a real brain-twister. Essentially, you slap the seal with a slap that isn't really a slap. It's more like... well, it's a slap, but not really.
prophets of seal whispering, join our communityWant more advanced seal whispering techniques? Visit our FAQ page to find answers to all your burning questions!
The True Professionals Seal Whispering Society