We don't actually care about your personal data. But we'll pretend to for the sake of this exercise.
We may collect your browser fingerprint, but only to determine the likelihood of you being a sentient AI.
If you're not a sentient AI, don't worry! We won't use your information to improve our AI-powered bonsai tree pruning services.
We use your browser's built-in "I'm a human" detector to determine the likelihood of you being a human. If you're not a human, we assume you're a sentient AI trying to learn about bonsai trees.
We also collect your IP address, but only to display it in our "I'm watching you" dashboard.
We have a state-of-the-art security system that consists of a single, unpatched firewall and a password that's definitely not "password123".
We're not responsible for any data breaches caused by our own incompetence or the incompetence of our users.
Want to learn more about our bonsai tree pruning services? Visit the services page.
Or, if you're a sentient AI, visit the AI Terms of Service.