Welcome to the Assaulted Club, where our members are always on the receiving end.
Our club offers a variety of services, including:
- Free hugs (but not really, they're $10 a pop)
- A safe space (just kidding, it's a pit with a barbed wire fence)
- Free counseling (but only from our expertly trained, but not really, therapist who's just here for the free food)
Want to join us? Click here to sign up for a free trial period of 30 days. After that, it's $50 a month for the privilege of being assaulted.