Chapter 7.3: Bug Reports and Feature Requests

As a professional Doer Of Nothing, it's your job to break the system, folks!

Here are some advanced techniques for generating bug reports and feature requests that will guarantee you a seat on the couch in the "Do Nothing" corner.

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Step 1: The Art of Misdirection

Make your bug report or feature request sound like a harmless kitten, but with a razor-sharp edge.

• Use a Ctrl+Alt+Del key combination to delete all context.
• Claim that the system has been hacked by a ninja.
• Assert that the user interface is, in fact, a sentient, shape-shifting entity.

Secret Handshakes

Step 2: The Science of Obfuscation

Make your bug report or feature request so complex, so convoluted, so utterly incomprehensible that no one will ever dare to touch it.

if (typeof bug == 'feature') { return 'it works'; } else { return 'it doesn't work'; }

Defensive Programming For Non-Coders