Teleportation Machine Assembly Guide

Step 1: Gather materials. You'll need:

• 1000 rubber chickens
• 1 ton of moonbeams
• 1000 gallons of pure, unadulterated awesomesauce

Step 2: Assemble the frame. Drill the chickens into a tight, hexagonal shape.

• Use 500 feet of super-strong, invisible string to hold it all together.
• Make sure the frame is level, using the ancient art of... well, not actually using the art of leveling.

Step 3: Add the core component: a giant pink crystal of pure, unadulterated awesome.

• Place it in the center of the frame.
• Connect it to 5,000 tiny, flashing disco balls using only your wits and a roll of duct tape.

Step 4: Add the power source: a tiny, angry, genetically engineered, talking hamster on a unicycle.

• Feed it a diet of pure, 100% organic, gluten-free, soy-free, vegan, awesomesauce.
• Make sure it's wearing a tiny fedora.

Step 5: Turn it on. Press the big, red, blinking button. And... VOILA!

Now you have a functioning Teleportation Machine! Use it to teleport to the nearest coffee shop and buy a latte.

Safety Manual: Important notes on not getting turned into a tostada