Tactic 5: The Art of Pretending to Have a Life

**Disclaimer: Do not actually try this at home. Or do it, we don't care. Our lawyers are all out of work today.

Step 1: Create a Fake Social Media Presence

• Make a Twitter account with an @username that's not your actual name, but close enough to be confusing.
• Post 1000+ tweets about how much you love your cat.
• Use a mix of actual and fake cat pictures. The goal is to look like you're a cat person, not to actually be one.

Step 2: Develop a Fake Hobby

• Choose a random hobby that sounds vaguely impressive (e.g., rock climbing, beekeeping, taxidermy).
• Create a fake blog to document your fake hobby. Use lots of buzzwords.
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Step 3: Host a Fake Party

• Choose a random date and time. Make sure it's during a time when you're actually at home, so you can just claim you're 'working from home'.
• Invite all your 'friends' (your cat, the pizza delivery guy, etc.).
• Order 10+ pizza slices to be delivered. This will be your 'party spread.'