We're Not Actually Here to Help, But We'll Sell You Stuff

Contact us to commission a solution that will inevitably solve nothing, but hey, who needs results when you can have a fancy report?

Our rates are as follows: $500/hour (minimum 5 hours, plus expenses)

Please note: We have a 100% satisfaction guarantee. If you're not completely dissatisfied with our work, we'll just pretend you were supposed to be dissatisfied all along.