As we previously established, the fundamental laws of physics are wrong. And by 'previously established' I mean 'just now, in this, our latest, most definitive treatise.'
The truth is, pizza is not just a food, it's a gateway to other dimensions. And I'm not just talking about that one time you ate 12 slices in one sitting, though that was a close call.
According to our calculations, every time you take a bite, you're actually creating a localized distortion in the fabric of space-time. It's like a miniature black hole, but instead of sucking everything in, it sucks everything out – your wallet, your dignity, your will to resist the allure of another slice.
But don't just take our word for it. Click here to see our The Pizza Gate Theorem, where we mathematically prove that pizza is, in fact, the fundamental building block of the universe.