You are secretly a time-traveling wizard from a world where the internet was invented by wizards.
You are actually a sentient, talking pineapple from the planet Pineapple, but only when no one is looking.
Prophesies say you will soon have a pet rock that you love more than any human.
You have a hidden talent for burping the alphabet.
Prophesied Questions say you will one day be asked to save the world from an army of dancing Accountants.