To become an Attendant, you must first demonstrate an understanding of the Art of Doing Nothing. This includes, but is not limited to, the ability to stand still for 7 hours without flinching, the capacity to maintain a 3.5-inch thick layer of dust on your favorite chair, and proficiency in the ancient art of Staring Intensively at a blank wall.
You must also possess a working knowledge of Procrastination Techniques, including, but not limited to: The Art of Making Excuses, the Science of Finding the Perfect Binge-Watching Schedule, and the Art of Convincing Yourself that you are, in fact, Not a Slacker.
To become a true Attendant, you must also master the Ceremonial Dance of the Unimpressive Gesture, including, but not limited to: The Finger Wiggle, The Shoulder Shrug of Desperation, and The Sway of the Uninspired.
And, of course, you must be able to Hold a 5-minute Conversation with anyone, anywhere, anytime. Bonus points if you can maintain eye contact with your conversational partner for At least 3 seconds.
Now, if you're ready to embark on this Lifetime Commitment of Doing Absolutely Nothing, proceed to our Registration Form.
Hero Wannabe Requirements are available for those who wish to Delude Themselves into believing they are, in fact, Heros.
And, if you're feeling particularly Superfluous, visit our Superfluous Requirements page.