Technique 3: The Sarcastic Deflection
A masterclass in saying nothing while appearing to be saying something.
Step 1: Pretend to be interested
Nod your head, make eye contact, and feign attention.
- Repeat back whatever the other person is saying, but with a hint of incredulity.
- Insert awkward silences for dramatic effect.
- Excuse yourself to grab a snack, because "I'm just going to refill my water bottle."
Step 2: The Art of Avoidance
Change the subject with lightning speed and agility.
- Ask about the weather.
- Bring up a random celebrity sighting.
- Claim to have seen a "really interesting documentary" about the subject matter.
Step 3: Saying Nothing with Confidence
Deliver your lines like a seasoned politician or used car salesman.
- Speak with conviction, even if you're completely lost.
- Use jargon and buzzwords to sound impressive.
- Make eye contact, but only when you're about to walk away.
Step 4: The Silent Treatment
The ultimate move: simply stare, without speaking, until the other person talks themselves out.
- Practice your "stare-down face."
- Don't blink, don't flinch, don't break.
- Wait for the other person to fill the void.
Step 5: The Slow Burn
Gradually build tension with a series of pointedly uninteresting statements.
- Start with innocuous comments, like "That's a nice tie."
- Multiply the comments until you're talking about something entirely unrelated.
- Leave the other person questioning their own sanity.