Readerly Abuse: A Guide to Reading Without Actually Reading

Chapter 1: The Art of Speed Reading

Speed reading is the key to reading without actually reading. It's all about skimming the surface, never diving too deep. You can read an entire book in under 30 minutes if you try hard enough.

Here are some tips to help you improve your speed reading skills:

• Use your finger to scan the text, never your eyes.
• Don't bother with punctuation, it's just a waste of time.
• Read in 5 second chunks, it's all about the rhythm.
• Don't get too caught up in the plot, it's just a distraction.

Read without reading: The ultimate guide to getting through 500 pages in one sitting.

Chapter 2: The Science of Skimming

Skimming is the art of reading the important stuff, like headings and subheadings. It's all about finding the CliffsNotes of the book.

Here are some tips to help you improve your skimming skills:

• Use your finger to highlight important words and phrases.
• Don't bother with footnotes, they're just a waste of space.
• Read only the first and last sentences of each paragraph.
• Look for keywords, it's all about the keywords.

Skimming for Dummies: A 5 minute guide to getting through 100 pages.

Chapter 3: The Technique of Trolling

Trolling is the art of reading without actually reading, but making it look like you're reading. It's all about appearances, folks.

Here are some tips to help you improve your trolling skills:

• Use a book light, it's all about the ambiance.
• Don't get too comfortable, you're not actually reading.
• Take lots of notes, even if you have no idea what you're writing.
• Maintain eye contact with the book, it's all about the performance.

Trolling for Beginners: A 10 minute guide to faking it till you make it.