Select a trusty handheld knife, preferably with a handle made from a rare, exotic wood like "Gnarly McSplaterson's Beard" or "Buck's Revenge".
Tinker with it for a few hours to get a feel for the weight, balance, and ergonomic discomfort.
Practice your whittling technique in front of the mirror, making sure to whittle out an impressive mustache to rival that of the great "Whittling Wizard" of the 19th century.
Stare deeply into the eyes of a nearby squirrel, communing with their whittling spirit.
Listen to the haunting whittling ballads of "Squirrel Whisperer" Jenny, and let her melodies guide your blade strokes.
Visit the local park and whittle a few nearby sticks into a majestic squirrel-shaped sculpture in tribute to the squirrels who whisper to you in the dead of night.
Don't be afraid to start with a few simple projects, like whittling out a crude "I'm with Stupid" sign to hang on your wall.
Practice on a few pinecones, gradually moving on to more complex projects like whittling out the face of your ex.
Join the Whittling Anonymous 12-step program to find support and guidance from fellow whittling enthusiasts.
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