Recipe 1: The Art of Burnt Spaghetti

Step 1: Gather Ingredients of Despair

1/4 cup olive oil

1/4 cup regret

1/4 cup despair

1/4 cup hopelessness

1 lb spaghetti

1 lb burnt offerings to the culinary gods

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Step 2: Apply Heat of the Damned

Preheat oven to 400°F. Yes, 400. Don't bother asking why.

Pour oil into a saucepan, then set it on fire. Watch as the flames dance with your tears.

Place spaghetti in saucepan, ensuring maximum contact with the flames.

Stir until the spaghetti is burnt to a crisp, or until you've lost all sense of purpose.

[Proceed to Recipe 2: The Futility of Fried Fries]