It was a dark and stormy night in the city of New York, and I, the Pizza King, had just committed the unthinkable. I had devoured the entire pie, crust, cheese, sauce, and all. My stomach was full, but my regret was bottomless.
As I lay on the couch, pizza stains on my shirt, and crumbs on my face, I couldn't help but think about the consequences of my actions. My diet, my love life, my relationships with my loved ones... all ruined by a single, glorious pizza.
But, as the great philosopher once said, "You can't have your pizza and eat it too." Or was that, "You can't have your cake and eat it too?" Ah, who cares? I ate the pizza and now I'm here, in the Cemetery of Regrets, where the tombstones read:
>Pizza Guilt | A Eulogy to My Stomach's Lamentations
>Fat Chance | Where the Couches are Soft, but the Conscience is Harder