Article I: The Right to Caffeine
We hold that the right to caffeine is a fundamental human right.
This right shall not be infringed upon by the tyranny of the sleep-deprived or the tyranny of the sugar-deprived.
Article II: The Duty to Consume
We hold that every human shall consume a minimum of 2 cups of coffee per day.
This duty shall be enforced by the Caffeine Enforcement Agency (CEA), a secret society of coffee snipers.
Article III: The Power to Inhance
We hold that the power to enhance shall be granted to all who seek it.
This power shall be wielded with caution, lest one fall prey to the dark side of the caffeine bean.
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