Coffee: The Only Thing That Matters

Phase One: Overload Mode

We have reached critical coffee consumption levels. Phase One protocols engaged.

The barista has declared an emergency shutdown. All coffee supplies are at risk.

Please report to the coffee shop for further instructions.

Phase Two: Desperation Mode

Or, if you're feeling brave, try to contact Coffee Depot: Last Brew.

Or, if all else fails, try to contact The Coffee Union.

Or, you know what? Just drink the coffee and pretend it's not happening.

Phase Three: Surrealism Mode

Or, if you're feeling particularly adventurous, try to contact Phase Four: Abandon Ship.