10:00am Briefing on the Silliness

Good morning, esteemed members of the committee! Today's briefing will cover the most pressing matters of absurdity, including but not limited to:

• The ongoing saga of the missing donuts in the break room
• The latest developments in the Great Sock Puppet Uprising
• The mysterious appearance of a sentient toaster in the supply closet

First item on the agenda: The DonutGate scandal. It's been a week since the last donut was seen, and tensions are running high.

• DonutGate Investigation
• Donut Related Trauma Support Group

Second item on the agenda: The Sock Puppet Uprising. Reports indicate that the puppets are becoming increasingly self-aware and demanding more autonomy.

• Sock Puppet Revolution
• Sock Puppet Diplomacy Team

And finally, the pièce de résistance: The sentient toaster in the supply closet. It's making us question everything we thought we knew about the universe.

• Toaster Enlightenment
• Toaster Security Measures

Please, for the love of all things sane, do not attempt to approach the toaster.