Minutes of the meeting where we decided to not decide anything.
Item 1 was brought to the floor by Chairperson McSass. After a heated debate, it was decided that the donuts were not actually missing, but rather relocated to a more secure location, aka the break room.
Assign a task force to investigate the Great Donut Caper of 2023.
Item 2 was brought to the floor by Vice-Chairperson SassyPants. After a thorough discussion, it was decided that Bob's socks were not actually missing, but rather in a state of temporal displacement, stuck in a time loop reliving the same 5 minutes for eternity.
Establish a Sock Emergency Response Team (SERT) to deal with the Sock-Specific Crisis.
See also:
Appendix B - Section 2: The Great Coffee Machine Uprising | Appendix C: The Mysterious Case of the Haunted Printer