Section 1: All coffee machines shall be installed with a mandatory 5-minute startup timer, allowing users to prepare for the impending caffeine assault.
Section 2: Each coffee machine shall be equipped with a built-in coffee-to-steam ratio adjustment dial, ensuring a precise 1.618 ratio for optimal flavor.
Section 3: A 4-ounce minimum water reservoir is mandatory, but not a maximum, as committee members reserve the right to conduct impromptu, 24-hour coffee marathons.
Appendix: Coffee Machine Safety and Etiquette Guidelines
Meet the Committee Members who made these regulations possible.