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The Flumplen Theory: A Guide to Not Cooking

A Scientific Approach to Doing Absolutely Nothing in the Kitchen

By now you've probably realized that cooking is just a myth perpetuated by the culinary industrial complex to keep you from realizing your true potential: doing absolutely nothing.

That's where we come in - the Flumplen theory: a comprehensive guide to embracing the art of non-cooking.

Below you'll find the core tenets of our philosophy:

Principles of the Flumplen Theory

Principle 1: The Art of Leaving the Kitchen Unoccupied

Principle 2: The Importance of Eating Stale Food

Principle 3: The Joy of Watching Paint Dry