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Hamster Crisis

Hamster Crisis - The Unofficial Hamster Wellness Report

A comprehensive report on the current state of hamster health in the United States.

By: Dr. Whiskerface, Chief Hamster Officer

Release Date: March 30, 2023

Page 1 of 5: Hamster Crisis Index

Page 2 of 5: Hamster Crisis Causes

Page 3 of 5: Hamster Crisis Effects

Page 4 of 5: Hamster Crisis Solutions

Page 5 of 5: Hamster Crisis Appendix

Note: This report is not intended to be taken seriously. It is a work of satire. Do not attempt to use this report as factual evidence in any real-world context.

A graph showing the hamster population growth curve, with a dramatic spike upwards in 2020.
View more hamster crisis graphs

Hamster Crisis: The Facts

  1. The hamster population in the United States has reached a record high.
  2. Hamsters are being kept in unsanitary conditions in 9 out of 10 pet stores.
  3. There is a direct correlation between the amount of cheese consumed and hamster happiness.