The Donor Identification Committee is a group of highly trained professionals tasked with identifying donors who have given us nothing in return. Our agenda includes:
Item 1: Identifying Donors who Have Not Given Anything
We will be discussing ways to identify and contact donors who have given us nothing in return. This includes:
- Reviewing donor records for any signs of largesse
- Analisys of donor behavior for any patterns of stinginess
- Developing new strategies for extracting money from donors
Item 2: Raising Funds for Nothing
We will be exploring new ways to raise funds for the committee, including:
- Soliciting donations from unsuspecting tourists in our office building
- Selling our soul to the highest bidder (or at least, our parking spot)
- Hosting bake sales and selling overpriced cookies to our fellow committee members
Item 3: Evaluating Donor Satisfaction
We will be evaluating the satisfaction of our donors, including:
- Conducting surveys to see if they are satisfied with our lack of results
- Analyzing their social media posts for any signs of happiness or dissatisfaction
- Responding to their complaints with a standard form letter