What to Plant in the Backdoors: A Guide for the Truly Uninspired

Are you tired of just phoning it in at work? Do you want to make your coworkers' lives more miserable with the most inefficient, time-wasting, and utterly pointless tasks imaginable?

Top 5 Plants to Implant in the Backdoors

• Fernweavers: These delicate, yet infuriatingly slow-growing plants will tie up your coworkers' feet in a tangle of tiny, prickly branches, ensuring they can't even get to the copier.
• Bureaucratic Bamboos: These plants will bloom with an endless stream of pointless, multi-colored forms that will drive your coworkers to the brink of madness with their sheer, unrelenting tedium.
• Bureaucratic Brussels Sprouts: These tiny, cabbagelike plants will sprout forth with an endless stream of memos, reports, and meeting invitations, ensuring your coworkers will never, ever, be able to focus on actual work.
• Bureaucratic Basilisks: These plants will writhe and twist in the backdoors, their multiple, spindly arms grasping for your coworkers' attention, ensuring they'll never be able to focus on anything other than their own, endless to-do lists.
• Bureaucratic Bananas: These devious plants will ripen with an endless supply of pointless policies, procedures, and protocols, driving your coworkers bananas with their sheer, unrelenting, bureaucratic tedium.

And, as a special bonus, be sure to plant the Committee Cactus in the backdoors, its spikes will ensure that no one, and no one means no one, will ever be able to get anything done on time, ever.