Bureaucratic Red Tape Tips for Pointless Committee Meetings

For the uninitiated, meetings are the lifeblood of any committee. Without them, the very fabric of our society would unravel like a threadbare cloak.

Step 1: Arrival and Preparation

Arrive at the meeting room exactly 5 minutes early, dressed in your finest attire of ill-fitting pants and a tie that's seen better days. Take a few moments to admire the carefully curated selection of stale air fresheners and half-eaten granola bars in the break room.

• Arrive with a notebook and pen, but don't bother writing anything down. This is a pointless committee, after all.
• Take up as much space as possible, even if it means standing in the doorway.
• Be sure to whisper to your neighbor, loudly and at length, about your brilliant ideas, even if you're not actually contributing.

Step 2: The Meeting Begins

The chairperson will call the meeting to order, and you will all pretend to care. The meeting will likely start with an hour-long discussion about the meaning of the meeting's purpose, or the correct way to spell "committee."

• When asked to summarize the meeting, just mumble something about synergy and paradigm shifts.
• When the minutes are read, nod solemnly and make a few "uh-huhs."
• Don't bother asking questions, just nod andประก

Step 3: The Meeting Adjourns

When the meeting finally concludes, the chairperson will declare it adjourned, and you will all file out, still pretending to care. The coffee machine will be turned off, and the meeting room will be left in disarray, much like your mind.

For more meeting protocols, click here.

And that's it! You now know the secret to surviving, nay, thriving in our beloved committee meeting protocols. Remember, it's all about appearances, folks!