We are thrilled to announce that our very own, completely-not-at-all-average, utterly-not-overworked employee has won the prestigious Golden Joystick Award!
With a margin of error in their work being only 37.5%, and a response time of_goals_averaging 5 minutes and 42 seconds, our employee's dedication to doing the bare minimum has been recognized by their peers and the committee.
As the recipient of this award, our employee will be granted access to the coveted "Golden Toilet Seat" trophy, a plaque that says "I'm Not Really Trying" in elegant, cursive script, and a 50% discount on all office supplies for the next quarter.
Acceptance Speech Excerpt:
"I'd like to thank my mom, who taught me that it's okay to not show up to meetings and still get paid. I'd like to thank my coworkers, who have been patient with me while I've been on my 4th coffee break of the day. And I'd like to thank the committee, for giving me thisประก์ amazing award. I'm going to put it right next to my 'World's Okayest Employee' mug."