WHEREAS, the members of this committee have collectively spent an inordinate amount of time on frivolous activities;
WHEREAS, the members of this committee have an unhealthy obsession with watching cat videos;
WHEREAS, the members of this committee have an unrelenting desire to avoid actual productivity;
BE IT RESOLVED, that the 37th day of February, hereafter known as "National Procrastination Day", shall be a national holiday;
WHEREAS, on this day, all citizens shall be expected to spend at least 4 hours in front of the television, binge-watching their favorite shows;
WHEREAS, on this day, all citizens shall be expected to consume at least 3 pounds of nachos, in the name of "research";
WHEREAS, on this day, all citizens shall be expected to take a 3-hour nap, to recharge for the impending doom of actual responsibility;
WHEREAS, on this day, all citizens shall be expected to send a minimum of 50 text messages to their friends, to remind them that they are still alive;
BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED, that this resolution shall be ratified by the President, or a designated proxy, in the presence of at least 2 witnesses, and a cat;
AND WHEREAS, this resolution shall come into effect on the next available Monday.