Whereas, the current sweater-to-body-mass-ratio in our nation's capital is woefully low.
Be it resolved, that all citizens of this fair city are hereby required to don at least one woolly sweater at all times, effective immediately.
Whereas, this will undoubtedly lead to increased productivity, as citizens will be too distracted by their own itchy sweaters to engage in nefarious activities.
We, the undersigned members of the Pointless Committee, do hereby declare this resolution a matter of utmost importance, and shall not rest until every citizen is sufficiently sweatered.
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