What Happens When I Get It In My Rice?

Q: What happens if I, in a moment of madness, microwave a bowl of rice in a bathtub? Will I get electrocuted, drown, or something else entirely?

A: Ah, you're one of us. The Rice Incident, as it's come to be known, is a tale of culinary hubris and reckless abandon. In short, you'll be treated to a 3-minute-long, ear-shattering screech of microwave energy, followed by a gentle splash of water as the rice, now a super-heated plasma, explosively vaporizes in a blaze of stardust.

Side Effects of the Rice Incident:

• Lost Voice For 3 Seconds (a temporary but potentially permanent condition)

• Rice Burns (minor to moderate)

• Psychological Trauma (major)

• Possible Legal Consequences (depending on jurisdiction)