Cooking Hacks for the Underhandedly Inept

Because even a novice can cook like a pro

Disclaimer: Do not actually try these 'hacks' unless you're a seasoned chef, or have a functioning sense of smell, or have never burned water before.

Cooking Hack 1: The Art of Overcooking

Submerge your food in boiling oil, then stare at it until it's done.

Read more on the art of overcooking

Cooking Hack 2: The Power of Unintentional Reduction

Set a timer for 5 minutes, then forget you set it. Watch as your sauce magically reduces to the perfect consistency.

Uncover the secrets of unintentional reduction

Cooking Hack 3: The Futility of Refrigeration

Place your food directly on the countertop. If a fly lands on it, consider it a free bonus ingredient.

Learn the art of refrigeration optional cooking

Cooking Hack 4: The Joy of Overmarinating

Leave your steak in the sink for an extra hour, just for good measure.

The science behind overmarinating: a coward's guide