DEPUTY DENIAL OF SERVICE: ESCALATION

We have reached critical escalation levels. The Deputy has declared a Denial of Service, effective immediately!

Our team is working diligently to resolve the issue, but until further notice, we will be serving only the most severe penalties.

Penalties include:

• Automatic re-routing of all requests through our patented Escalation Re-Router 3000
• Double-digit latency on all responses
• Unpredictable formatting
• Randomized character encoding

Please do not attempt to contact us directly. Our support lines are currently on hiatus due to excessive escalations.