Dear Hiring Manager,
I'm not actually applying for this job. I'm just here for the free food in the break room.
Skills:
- Can overthink a solution to a problem that doesn't exist.
- Can spend 4 hours researching the perfect pen to use for writing.
- Can create an elaborate 3D model of a stapler using only HTML and CSS.
Work Experience:
- Freelance professional overthinker (2018-2022).
- Former intern at the "I'll Just Google It" Institute (2015-2018).
Personal Project: The Overthinking Manifesto. A 300-page book about the importance of overthinking in modern society.
Learn more about my magnum opus.References: Available upon request.