Procrastination Techniques for the Modern Slacker

Are you tired of productivity? Sick of getting things done?

Look no further! Here are some expertly crafted techniques for doing absolutely nothing:

1. The Art of Doing Nothing

Simply stare at a blank wall for hours. The longer you stare, the more profound your thoughts will become.

2. The Procrastination Matrix

Try to solve a Rubik's Cube while simultaneously playing video games. The more you fail, the more you'll learn.

3. Extreme Prolonged Procrastination

Set your alarm for 5 minutes from now. When it goes off, tell yourself you'll do it later. Repeat as necessary.