Step 1: Acquire an absurd amount of coffee. Not just a cup, not just a pot. We're talking industrial-sized quantities. Your local coffee shop will thank you.
Step 2: Set up a spreadsheet to track your coffee purchases, including but not limited to: coffee-to-caffeine ratio, caffeine-to-dollar ratio, and coffee-to-silhouette-of-your-social-life ratio.
Step 3: Develop a comprehensive theory of coffee-fueled productivity, including but not limited to: the optimal coffee-to-work-break ratio, the coffee-fueled sprint-to-sprint ratio, and the coffee-induced existential crisis ratio.
Step 4: Apply your newfound knowledge to the art of doing nothing. Use your coffee-fueled productivity to optimize your procrastination, and watch as your to-do list grows longer and more impressive by the minute.