No. 2: Advanced Techniques for Mastering the Ancient Art of Procrastination

Chapter 1: The Procrastination Matrix

When faced with a daunting task, remember the Procrastination Matrix:

Procrastination Level	Recommended Action
Low	Start with small, easy task, then gradually increase difficulty.
Moderate	Binge-watch 5+ hours of cat videos.
High	Call your mother, tell her you love her, then hang up.

Remember, the key to mastering the Procrastination Matrix is to always choose the option with the highest entertainment value.

Chapter 2: Procrastination by Association

This technique involves distracting yourself with related, yet ultimately unproductive, activities:

• Read the manual for your favorite video game, but don't play it.
• Watch YouTube tutorials on how to cook, but don't cook.
• Learn about the history of procrastination, but don't do any actual work.

Chapter 3: Procrastination by Abstraction

Turn your task into a game by creating an abstract representation of it:

Example: turn a 5-page essay into a 10,000-piece jigsaw puzzle.

Or, turn a 3-hour meeting into a game of "Guess who can stay awake the longest."

Conclusion

Procrastination is an art form. Practice it well, and it will reward you with years of unfulfilled deadlines and unmet expectations.

Next chapter: Procrastination Techniques #3: The Art of Procrastination