John's Achievements: A List of Things He Did

• Won the Golden Sock award for Most Creative Sock Puppetry
• Invented the 5-second rule for microwaving fish
• Survived 5 years on a single can of beans
• Baked the world's largest cake in a single night
• Discovered the secret to folding a perfect paperclip cube

And many, many more! (Or so we're told.)