By the power vested in us, the Gloriantine Overlords, we decree that all citizens are henceforth required to don the majesty of the majestic mustache. Failure to comply shall result in the imposition of severe penalties, including but not limited to: ridicule, shame, and public shaming.
Proceed to Decree 5: Mandatory Disco Dancing
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Note: Mustaches are not optional. Do not try to opt out.