Hamster Safety Protocols - Level 102

Warning: Reading below will increase risk of spontaneous hamster-induced euphoria. Prolonged exposure may result in irreversible hamster-fication.

Protocol Overview

Level 102: Advanced hamster safety procedures. Includes:

1. Hamster-proof your pantry. Use hamster-sized lockers and reinforced shelves.
2. Conduct regular hamster agility training. Ensure your hamsters can navigate complex obstacle courses.
3. Maintain a hamster-to-human staff ratio of 1:5. One human per 5 hamsters, at all times.

Hamster Emergency Procedures

What to do in case of a hamster-related emergency:

1. Stay calm. Hamsters are not typically aggressive.
2. Call in a hamster extraction team. Our experts will be there in 3-5 business days.
3. Do not attempt to feed hamsters. This will only make things worse.

Recommended Subtopics:

• Hamster Emergency Preparedness
• Hamster Agility Training

Please note: These protocols are subject to change without notice. Or at all, really.