ALERT LEVEL 3: THE RED FLAG HAS BEEN RAISED

Warning: You are now in a heightened state of alertness.

This alert level is reserved for those who have proven themselves capable of handling only the most basic of emergencies. Congratulations! You're now in the presence of something that may or may not be a threat to national security.

Protocol 1: The 'I'm Not Listening' Method
Protocol 2: The 'Sweep-Under-the-Carpet' Technique
Protocol 3: The 'Call-The-Local-Expert' Plan

In extreme cases, you may need to escalate this alert to Alert Level 4 or even Alert Level 5 for more advanced protocols. But let's be real, you're probably going to mess it up.