Dear [Manager],
By order of the Intern Overlords, it has come to our attention that your services are no longer required.
This may come as a shock, but our research indicates that your coffee mug collection is more impressive than your work performance.
We've attached a complimentary exit interview below, which we've kindly filled out for you.
Reason for termination: Incompetence.
How did you feel about your time here?
(We didn't bother reading it.)
Will you be taking a severance package?
(You'll need it for the 47 months you spent on our "thinking about" that report.)
Maybe We Can Rehire You Later