Determinism for the Clueless: A Guide to Living Your Life Without Regrets

Are you tired of making decisions that will inevitably lead to disappointment and heartache? Do you wish there was a way to live your life without the burden of free will?

What is Determinism?

Determinism is the philosophical theory that everything that happens is a result of prior causes. It's like, everything in your life is just a bunch of dominoes falling in a row, and you're just along for the ride.

But don't worry, it's not all bad! With determinism, you can:

• Stop making decisions and just let the universe do its thing
• Blame your parents for your problems
• Claim it's not your fault when things go wrong

But wait, there's more! Determinism also comes with some benefits:

• You'll never have to deal with the guilt of making a poor choice
• You'll never have to experience the joy of taking risks and trying new things
• You can just sit back and enjoy the inevitable trainwreck that is your life

Getting Started with Determinism

So, you want to start living your life without the burden of free will? Here's a step-by-step guide:

1. Just pretend like you're a leaf blowing in the wind, man
2. Go with the flow, and don't worry about the consequences
3. Repeat the mantra "I am a pawn in a grand cosmic game" whenever you're feeling anxious or overwhelmed

And that's it! With determinism, you'll be living the life you always wanted: a life of apathy and resignation. Visit our Subculture of Schadenfreude for more information on how to revel in the misfortunes of others.