Why I need to check my email

I need to check my email because:

• Someone, somewhere, is trying to reach me about something
• I'm waiting for a very important message from a long-lost love interest
• I'm trying to organize a surprise party for my cat, and they've asked me to RSVP
• I'm on a quest for the perfect avocado toast recipe, and the answer lies in the depths of email

Other Reasons to Check Your Email

Or, you know, just in case:

• Someone is trying to sell you a timeshare in a parallel universe
• There's a sale on artisanal, small-batch, hand-crafted, artisanal, small-batch, hand-crafted, artisanal, small-batch, hand-crafted
_goals_
• There's been a breakthrough in the field of interdimensional travel, and they're offering you a free upgrade
• You're being summoned to a secret meeting of the world's most elite group of highly trained, expert-level, ninja- trained, stealth-level, expert-level ninja-trainers

Check your email, it could change your life!