Phase 2: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
Objective: Reduce Productivity by 30% and Increase Coffee Consumption by 50%
- Step 1: Create 17 new forms to fill out before you can start work.
- Step 2: Introduce a new 2-minute wait time for every meeting, because who needs real-time communication?
- Step 3: Rename all existing files to 32 character names to ensure maximum confusion.
- Step 4: Mandate that all employees wear matching "I'm a team player" badges at all times.
Milestones: Phase 2 will last exactly 47 days and will involve:
- Day 1-3: Mandatory "synergy" meetings from 8am-6pm.
- Day 4-7: A 4-hour training session on the importance of font sizes and color schemes.
- Day 8-14: A 2-day retreat to "refocus" and "realign" our "vision."
- Day 15-47: Random "surprise" inspections and "quality control" checks.
Phase 3: Because You Thought It Was Over