By decree of the Supreme Mandate Holder, all responsibility is hereby denied to anyone who asks. This includes, but is not limited to:
Responsibility for the coffee machine, which is clearly possessed by the intern
Responsibility for the cat's hairballs, which are clearly a result of external circumstances beyond one's control
Responsibility for the mysterious stains on the conference room carpet, which are clearly the result of a freak accident involving a spilled beverage and a dropped donut