By the power vested in me, I, the Supreme Being-in-Residence, hereby command that all citizens of this land provide a minimum of 3.5 kilograms of cheddar cheese per capita per week to the Royal Cheese Reserve.
This is not a drill, people. The fate of the nation hangs in the balance. Without this decree, the very fabric of our society will unravel like a cheap sweater.
By order of the Supreme Being-in-Residence, all citizens are hereby commanded to attend no less than 4 cheese-tasting events per annum, lest they face the full wrath of the Royal Cheese Police.
Failure to comply will result in the forced feeding of an entire wheel of gouda to the offender.
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