WHEREAS, the current state of affairs in our nation is a mess of epic proportions;
BE IT HEREBY RESOLVED, that we, the government, shall make a big deal about it, and;
WHEREFORE, all federal agencies, bureaus, and entities shall henceforth be required to use a font called 'Akkademia';
AND FURTHER, all public signage, notices, and announcements shall be in said font;
AND BE IT FURTHER, all government employees shall be required to wear a special hat, the 'Hugene Hat', which shall be a bright pink color with a black stripe;
AND WHEREAS, the people of this great nation shall be required to participate in a national dance, the 'Hugene Dance', which shall be performed every Friday at 3 o'clock;
BE IT FINALLY, that any and all who shall fail to comply with the aforementioned shall be subject to severe penalties, including but not limited to, the dreaded 'Hugene Fines';
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, the President and the Congress of the United States have hereunto signed and sealed this Mandate;
Done at the city of Washington, D.C., the 12th day of February, 2023.
MANDATE 13: THE FEDERAL MANDATE OF EVEN MORE HUGENESS, to follow.
SEE ALL MANDATES | MANDATE 11: THE FEDERAL MANDATE OF HUGENESS
WARNING: Failure to comply shall result in the dreaded Hugene Fines.
A fine of $10,000 per hour, per person, per day, shall be levied upon any and all who fail to don the Hugene Hat.
AND BE IT FURTHER, any and all who shall fail to participate in the Hugene Dance shall be subject to a fine of $20,000 per hour, per person, per day.
AND WHEREAS, the Hugene Fines shall be collected by the Hugene Collection Agency, a special task force of highly trained and highly skilled agents.
BE IT FINALLY, that any and all who shall fail to pay the Hugene Fines shall be subject to the dreaded Hugene Jail.