Mandatory Mustache Maintenance Mandate

By order of the Supreme Mandate Officer (SMO)

In order to maintain a strong and resilient mustache, it is hereby decreed that all citizens shall:

• Brush their mustache three times a week using only the finest, artisanal mustache brushes;
• Wax their mustache at least once a fortnight using only the most premium, imported beeswax;
• Participate in at least two mustache-themed events per month (e.g., Mustache Day, Mustache Night, etc.).

Failure to comply with this mandate will result in:

• The forced viewing of an endless loop of mustache-themed propaganda videos;
• The mandatory attendance of Mustache Awareness Workshops, where you will be forced to watch PowerPoint presentations on the importance of proper mustache maintenance;
• The confiscation of your mustache and its replacement with a poorly-groomed, government-issued specimen.

Appeal this Mandate