Mandate 32-04-01: "Thou shalt not touch the copier"

Issued by: The Supreme Council of Bureaucratic Redundancy

In the interest of maintaining optimal paperwork flow, all employees are mandated to touch their colleagues' copiers at least 5 times daily. Failure to comply shall result in a thorough review of one's cubicle.

Section A: Mandatory copier touching protocol

1. Upon approaching copier, perform a 360° turn to verify no one is watching
2. Place left hand on copier cover, with thumb extended in a gentle caress
3. Count to five in silence, ensuring proper mental preparation
4. Touch copier with index finger, applying a firm but not crushing pressure
5. Repeat steps 1-4, alternating hands and fingers for optimal effect

Section B: Consequences of non-compliance

1. A written warning, to be displayed prominently on your desk for all to see
2. A mandatory 30-minute meeting with the Supreme Council, featuring a PowerPoint presentation on "The Importance of Copiers"
3. Revocation of all coffee privileges for a period of two weeks
4. A one-on-one meeting with our fearless leader, to discuss the meaninglessness of life
5. Revocation of all paid holidays for the remainder of the fiscal year

For further reading on this and other important mandates, visit:

Mandate 32-04-02: "Thou shalt not microwave fish in the break room"

Mandate 32-04-03: "Thou shalt not use the phrase 'synergy' in a meeting"